


Him and I

by zoweenie



Category: Star Wars The Force Awakens, star wars the last jedi, star wars the rise of skywalker
Genre: Angst, Conflict, F/M, First Order, ForceBond, Jedi Ben Solo, Love, Multi, Pain, Protective Kylo Ren, Resistance, Star Wars: Master and Apprentice References, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, force ghost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoweenie/pseuds/zoweenie
Summary: After Ben Solo turns to the dark side, leaving his former apprentice/girlfriend behind, she's called out of hiding to help fight the First Order. But, Ashley Kenobi wants nothing to do with the war against The First Order... or so she thought.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/OC Ben Solo/OC
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Who are you?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I just really wanted to write a Star Wars story and I haven't been able to get this idea out of my head, so here it is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past catches up with you, no matter who or where you are.

The blistering pain of the past was something I knew I would never be able to erase from my memory, from the galaxy. No matter how hard I tried. No matter if I changed my whole identity and flew myself to another planet. It was always going to be there, prowling in the back of my mind. A constant reminder of what I couldn’t stop- I shook my head, I refused to allow myself to get drawn into the crippling, crater of guilt. A battle I had every single time I woke from my fragmented sleep. I wedged the palm of my hands into my eyes, trying to dissolve the echoes of my past. Seconds past and I let my hands drop to my sides as I inhaled a deep breath. I seized my staff and walked out into the sweltering heat of the Jakku desert. A planet I had never heard of, a planet I know that I would never been found on. 

‘You know, if you want to scavenge as much as I do, you’re going to have to get up much earlier’ I whipped my head around to find Rey unloading all of her pieces of metal and whatever else she had found onto the sand. 

‘I’m not sure I’ll ever be as good as you’ I shot back, squinting my eyes to avoid the blazing sun. 

‘I’m clearly not that good’ She replied, tossing me one half portion. I sighed and followed her into our makeshift home out of a broken down ship. 

‘Unkar doesn’t know what he’s looking at’ I reassured her, giving her a hand a squeeze. Rey’s eyes fell across my face as she sat down, taking off her scavenging gear. 

‘Are you ever going to tell me why you came to Jakku?’ My stomach flipped violently as Rey asked the question, the same question she asked almost every single day. I knew I owed her my story, she had given me everything since I landed here. Everything from a friend, home, food and a weapon. But, I could never form the words of who I was, where I was from and what I had run away from. 

‘I hear you. When you’re sleeping, I hear your screams’ Her words caught me off guard. 

Ice pierced my veins and I suddenly felt as if I was going to vomit. What had I been saying? What had I been crying out for? Who I had been calling out for? Her expression was soft but I could see the blatant concern in her eyes. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her my name wasn’t Ava. I wanted to tell her my name was Ashley. I wanted to tell her I hadn’t just crashed landed here by chance. I wanted to tell her everything that had happened to me. Everything that had happened to everyone else. But... the pain that radiated from those memories was too much for me to bear. Before I could answer back, we were both distracted by a thunderous roaring that came from above our home, a roaring that seemed to be getting much louder. I ran outside, Rey tailing behind me. 

Oh my- that’s a TIE Fighter!’ Rey spluttered out, running past me and watching the ship crash land just behind the sand dunes. I was frozen to the spot. My feet sinking into the sand, my hand slick with sweat as it gripped onto my staff. Tie Fighter. The words rattled around my brain. 

‘Ava! Come on!’ My hand was yanked by Rey as she darted across the sand, her eagerness taking her over the dunes. 

‘Rey! No it’s dangerous!’ My feet followed behind her, the sun glaring down on us. I managed to catch up to her as she reached the now fiery TIE Fighter. My fingers grazed over her belt as I tried to pull her back. 

‘Someone is in there!’ She pointed out, my eyes scanned to where she was looking. White armour was crawling out of the only part of the TIE Fighter that wasn’t ignited in a blaze. My hand tightened around my staff as I noticed what armour it was. I hauled Rey back behind me. 

‘It’s a Stormtrooper’ The words barely left my lips. The Stormtrooper was helmet-less and he was grasping at the sand to drag himself away. Once again Rey was in front of me before I could even realise what she was doing, she had ran over to the half-armoured Stormtrooper. 

‘He-help me’ He wheezed, his hand reaching out for Rey’s. She took his hand and pulled him up, her weight supporting his. 

‘Rey! Let him go! He’s with the-‘ I couldn’t finish the sentence. 

‘I’m not with the First Order- not- not anymore’ His voice was raspy and he clung to Rey. She fiddled with her satchel and gave him her water bottle. He chugged down the water before collapsing on the sand. 

‘What’s your name?’ Rey crouched down to him. 

‘Finn- it’s Finn’ He breathed out. 

‘My friend he was with me. Poe, his name is Poe Dameron’ Finn spoke, finally looking up at Rey. 

‘We will help you find him’ Rey assured him, helping him back up and made sure he gained his balance. 

‘We will most certainly not’ I countered, throwing a look at Rey. I was still standing far enough back from both of them, as well as standing as far away from the burning Tie Fighter. 

‘Ava-‘ 

‘No, Rey. You don’t know anything about him. He’s a Stormtrooper!’ I shouted, throwing my free hand in the air towards the Tie Fighter. 

‘Not anymore, I swear’ Finn’s voice no longer sounded dry and he was able to stand on his own now. 

‘I was. I helped Poe escape from the First Order and Kylo Ren’ He put his hands up in defence. I tried my hardest to not let any emotion flutter across my face at the sound of... the sound of that name. 

‘FINN!’ A bellowing voice came from behind me causing me to spin around and raise my staff in a protected stance. A guy was standing on top of the dunes, clutching at his arm. He skidded down the dunes towards us, my whole body on edge. I raised my staff higher so he wouldn’t come near us. 

‘Woah, woah’ He halted in front of me, hands where I could see them. 

‘That’s Poe!’ Finn promised, bravely scooting past me. 

‘Well, that’s great. You found your friend, now leave’ I ordered, not lowering my staff. I felt Rey behind me and honestly I was waiting for her to interject but she didn’t. Poe shot Finn a look, a look that was asking him what he had done. His eyes fell to the Stormtrooper armour and then quickly looked back at me. 

‘Oh, that? That’s nothing. I can promise you, this guy here does not work for the First Order’ Poe patted Finn’s chest causing Finn to wince. I raised my eyebrows, still not backing down. 

‘Okay, fine. I was on orders from General Organa to come to Jakku on a Resistance mission. I got caught by the First Order and then Finn here, saved my ass’ Poe threw his arms out, looking annoyed that I’d forced him to blow his cover. 

‘You’re with the Resistance?’ Rey gasped out in excitement. 

‘Why would the Resistance need you to come here? To Jakku?’ I questioned, my eyes narrowed as I didn’t buy a word that this Poe Dameron was saying. Poe hesitated before he spoke, clearly trying to think about his answer. 

‘General Organa is seeking out a Jedi. A Jedi apprentice that is said to be living here on Jakku. Apparently she ducked out when things got real bad at the Jedi Temple. General Organa says she’s the only one that can help fight against Kylo Ren and his First Order troops. We are looking for Ashley Kenobi’ Poe’s words fizzled out in my ears, my whole body went to jelly. There was a ringing in my ears that drowned out anything else that was said. My breathing had become restricted and I could feel my hands becoming wet with sweat. 

‘Ashley Kenobi? I thought she was a myth. If she was living here on Jakku, I’m sure we would know about it, wouldn’t we?’ A sharp poke jabbed me in the arm, shattering the overwhelming cloud that had engulfed me. My eyes focused back on Finn and Poe. 

‘Of course’ The words fell from my mouth. 

‘Are you sure?’ Poe’s eyes narrowed on me. 

‘Don’t you think if there was a Jedi running around here, we would notice?’ I snapped back, allowing myself to come back to my senses. I turned on my heels and attempted to escape swiftly. 

‘I mean personally, I don’t understand why the Resistance want her help, I think she’s one hell of a coward. What type of person abandons their whole Jedi legacy and runs away when things get tough?’ Poe quipped to Rey and Finn. 

‘Too cowardly to fight back. She’s the one who according to Leia, to stop Kylo Ren’s destruction of the galaxy. Right, because she’s did such a bang up job from stopping him turning to the dark side-‘ Poe’s sentence was cut off with a strangled gargle as he flew through the air and into a sand heap. Silence boomed through the air as Finn and Rey stared wide eyed at me. I exhaled the breath I had been holding in as my hand dropped down from in front of me. Poe let out a half assed laugh. 

‘I’d like to introduce you to Ashley Kenobi. Granddaughter of Obi Wan Kenobi and apprentice to the leader of the First Order Kylo Ren’ Poe informed Rey and Finn as his eyes burned into mine. 

It was all over. My secret had been blown. All that hard work I had put into hiding, making sure no-one ever found me, it was all worthless. My breathing had hitched in my throat as I realised what I’d done to Poe. I hadn’t used the... force since that night. It was all too much. I ripped myself away from the unnerving silence, not acknowledging the words that had been spoken from Poe. I gripped my staff and pushed myself to walk away. 

'Wait!’ Rey’s voice sounded behind me, but I refused to answer her. I couldn’t. I needed to leave. I needed to go to a different planet. I had to start over again. Where was I supposed to go? My mind was running through all the possible locations I could go. A hand curled itself around my arm and I was swung around. 

‘You need to talk to me’ Rey pleaded, her eyes searching my face. Poe and Finn were standing inches behind her. 

‘Ashley-‘ I felt myself flinch at the name. The name I hadn’t been called in years. The name I wouldn’t allow my own mind to call me. I ripped my arm from Rey’s grasp and backed away. 

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Rey asked, the hurt clear as day in her voice. I pressed my lips into a line, trying to keep myself together. Poe slid past Rey, his eyes not once pulling away from my face. 

‘Why didn’t you stay that night?’ His tone was hard. The man didn’t even know me and I could tell he was pissed at me. 

‘It has nothing to do with you’ I managed to slip the words past my lips. 

‘It has EVERYTHING to do with me, with the Resistance’ He shot back. He stepped closer, tilting his head. 

‘Do you know what happened after you left?’ Poe’s voice was dangerously low. Finn edged behind me, clear anxiety spread across his face. 

‘After he slaughtered all of the Jedi’s, he created the First Order. He took children, like Finn here, made them into Stormtroopers. Destroyed planets, murdered innocent folk-‘ Poe was yanked back by Finn, his arm pointing up to the sky. 

‘We have company, Dameron’ Finn yelled. Tie Fighters were dotted throughout the sky, cannons firing at the city of Jakku. Rey grabbed my hand, causing me to rip my attention away from Poe. 

‘We need to go’ She pleaded. 

‘Do you know where any ships are that we can use?’ Finn asked Rey. She shot me a look, tugging my hand. I gritted my teeth together, shooting a distasteful glare at Poe. 

‘Follow me’ I muttered out, barging past Poe. I started jogging towards the giant base that wasn’t far from our home. There was one ship. One ship I knew worked perfectly. I ragged the door open, pushing it aside and skidded in front of the ship. I heard Rey, Poe and Finn follow behind me. 

‘This piece of garbage?’ Poe hissed out, looking unimpressed. 

‘It’s the Millennium Falcon’ Finn whispered out. 

‘How did you get this?’ He asked, joining my side. 

‘It was brought it by some scavengers a while back, I paid everything I had to keep it for myself. I guess, some parts of my past never wanted to leave me’ I exhaled, walking towards the Falcon. 

‘Do you know how to fly this?’ Poe asked, shooting me a look. 

‘I’ve been in it once before... I wasn’t the pilot’ I answered, not looking back at him. The sounds of the TIE Fighter guns were getting louder. 

‘Come on’ Finn nodded towards the ship, opening the ramp and running it. Poe followed behind, leaving myself and Rey standing alone. 

‘You have to go, Ashley’ Her voice gentle. A large part of me, a large annoying part of knew she was right. I had known this all along. I knew it was time to stop running, to shrug away the scavenger appearance and return to what I was supposed to be doing. Finn’s head popped out the top of the ramp. 

‘Are you coming?’ I took a deep breath as I replayed Finn’s question in my head. 

‘You coming too?’ I asked Rey. Her eyes widened. 

‘You want me to come with you?’

‘I need someone to make sure I don’t kill Poe’ I shrugged. Rey’s face lit up and she tugged me up the ramp onto the Falcon. A feeling of unease clamped itself down onto me, engulfing me in another feeling that I couldn’t put my finger on... but all I knew was that it was dark.


	2. An Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley comes across and old face... and friend.

Piloting the Millennium Falcon was not easy, not easy in the slightest. I mean, probably because it had lay dormant in the Jakku desert for... well years. Poe was having blatant issues trying to steer the ship. Finn was doing his best to co-pilot but they were struggling. Rey was engulfed in checking out every inch of the interior of the Falcon. My mind was desperate to cast itself back to the last time I was inside this ship. But, I wouldn’t allow myself to go down that rabbit hole. Suddenly the ship smoothed out it’s flying. 

‘We did it’ I heard Finn compliment Poe. 

‘You do have the best pilot on board’ Poe replied causing Rey to rush over and congratulate them. I stayed sitting where I was, my eyes closing as I could feel those memories pushing through. The laughing echoed around my head, the feeling over happiness and fun piping itself through my veins. I was ripped from the past as Rey’s voice entered my head. 

‘You said you’d been in this ship before? Who with? Han Solo?’ Rey asked excitedly. At this point Poe had put the Falcon into auto-drive had joined myself and Rey, Finn too. Silence lay between us, my answer clearly what they were all waiting for. I didn’t answer it. 

‘Why did the First Order capture you in the first place?’ My gaze was on Poe. 

‘You said you were sent to Jakku to find me. But, why would the First Order capture you?’ I pressed the question. Poe’s eyes narrowed and he didn’t let anything show. 

‘Why did you hide on Jakku?’ Finn’s eyes darted to Rey, both of them visibly uncomfortable. It was question I was going to get hounded with until I answered. But, I wasn’t telling my story, until he told his. 

‘I asked you first. Why did the First Order take you? And don’t lie, I know you’re hiding something. I can sense it’ I added, raising my eyebrows. 

‘Jedi power?’ Finn chirped up intrigued. 

‘Hardly, still training, right?’ Poe snarked. 

‘She might be training but she threw you off your feet’ Rey added, causing Finn to let a small smile paint across his face. 

‘I am not his apprentice anymore' I hissed, turning my back on them and heading to the cockpit. I clenched my fists, trying to push down all the feelings I could feel bubbling in me. The fiery anger, the shame, the guilt, the hurt, the pain. 

‘Will you stop? You said your General wanted Ashley for a reason, so stop pushing her,man’ Finn’s voice was firm. I unclenched my fingers and allowed myself to slowly deflate from the anger. I could feel Rey’s presence behind me. 

‘I’m fine, before you ask’ My voice was a lot harsher than I intended it to be. I spun around to face her. 

‘I’m sorry’ I could barely get the words out. She nodded understanding. I took a breath and headed back to Poe and Finn, who were now in a hushed conversation. 

‘You were a Stormtrooper, right?’ I interrupted their conversation, my eyes glued to Finn and only Finn. He nodded reluctantly. His expression was pained. 

‘What was he like?’ I didn’t even feel like I had asked the question. The words had glided past my lips, barely audible. Finn stared at me, his expression changed. An expression that screamed that I wouldn’t want to know. 

‘Ashley-‘ 

‘I need to know’ I brushed off his hesitation. Finn exchanged looks with Poe who showed no expression. 

‘Poe said he’d destroyed planets. Finn, tell me’ My tone was becoming desperate and I was incensed at myself for wanting to know. But, all the memories were being dredged up, the past was clawing at me, trying to get back inside my head. Finn was quiet, then he sat down opposite the small table, inviting me to sit down. 

‘I was taken as a child and programmed almost immediately to become a Stormtrooper. Trained to kill, trained to obey Supreme Leader Snoke and Commander Kylo Ren-‘ Finn’s jaw clenched as he retold me his story. 

‘I was in Phasma’s unit. Captain Phasma. She took orders from Ren, she never wavered un like General Hux. The damaged he caused, the planets destroyed-‘ Finn stopped his words, watching me. He took my silence as a means to carry on. 

‘Murdered villages of people all because they didn’t want to obey the First Order. They didn’t want to battle against the Resistance. Planets were blown up because the one thing he was looking for wasn’t there.  
Hux was saying he’s been searching for something for years-‘ 

‘The map to Skywalker?’ Poe cut in, his tone probing. 

‘Skywalker?’ Rey’s voice caught me off guard, she’d been quiet. 

‘Luke Skywalker?’ I’d found my voice, but it faltered saying a name I’d not even thought about in years. 

‘No, no! Not the map to Skywalker-‘ 

‘What map?’ I ignored Finn and focused solely on Poe. He shrugged, disregarding what he’d said. I whipped my staff up from where it had been propped up, jabbing it in his direction. 

‘Don’t lie to me! I told you, I can sense you hiding something from me’ Poe smacked the staff from his face and huffed. 

‘Fine! The First Order was after the map to Luke Skywalker. I had it in my BB unit. I told him to take it, to head back to the Resistance and the First Order captured me’ Poe exasperated, throwing his hands in the air.

‘Why does he want a map to Luke Skywalker?’ Rey interjected. 

‘He’s been missing since the night the Jedi Temple was burned down-‘ Poe glared at me. 

‘Sound familiar?’ I stood there, letting Poe’s words sink in. Luke had fled too. 

‘I wasn’t talking about the map. That’s not the only thing he’s after’ My heart was injected with pure ice. I knew exactly what Finn was hinting at. 

‘He’s been looking for me’ It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. It was a fact. Suddenly the Falcon shuddered and we all went flying. I grabbed onto the table, steadying myself as Poe and Finn ran to the controls. We crashed into something hard. Rey skidded into me and we landed with a hard whack on the floor. 

‘I think we’ve been caught by something’ Poe yelled out, running over to us. Finn helped Rey up as Poe offered his hand with some trepidation but I ignored it and pulled myself up. There was banging and clattering from above us. 

‘We need to hide’ Finn whispered, taking Rey’s hand and running down a corridor. 

‘You should be good at that’ Poe raised his eyebrows at me. 

‘Do you want me to throw you into that wall?’ I asked, tilting my head. 

‘Try it’ He challenged. I rolled my eyes, barging past him and following Rey and Finn. They’d found a small room to hide in, which fit us in... just about. Suddenly, we heard voices. 

‘Chewie, we’re home’ The words reverberated around my head and I yanked the door back. I ran out the room, hearing the trio behind me as I skidded around the corner. Mere inches away from me was none other than the original pilot of the Millennium Falcon. Han Solo. 

‘Han’ The word was soft. 

‘You’re Han Solo?’ Rey was right behind me. 

‘Han Solo the rebellion general?’ Finn piped up next to Rey’s question. 

‘No, the smuggler’ Rey corrected rolling her eyes.

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked him, my eyes never flickering from his. A loud cry came from behind me and suddenly I was enveloped in a giant, furry hug. I struggled to breathe, but eventually the creature backed off. 

‘It’s good to see you Chewie, I’m surprised you remember me’ My voice was wobbly, yet I felt some sense of... belonging and it pained me. 

‘I could ask you the same thing. But, I’m guessing Leia has requested your presence’ Han assumed, his voice rough. I nodded, unable to form anymore sentences. 

‘Well, at least my ship is in better condition than the last time you were on it’ He raised his eyebrows, causing the tiniest smile to find its way onto my lips. 

‘I’m all for reunions, but what are you doing here?’ Poe asked Han, shifting past me. He eyed up Chewbacca who was cradling a cross bow and then stood back next to me. 

‘It looks like I’m finding a way to get you all to the Resistance base’ Han sighed, shooting Chewie a look. 

‘I need a co-pilot, mind if Ashley takes your spot?’ He asked. Chewie shook his head, allowing me to follow Han to the cockpit. I stood behind the co-pilot seat, my hands brushing along the leather. It had been a long time since I’d last sat in this seat. The laughing came back in my head, his laugh. The pain shot through my heart. I took a deep breath and took my place next to Han. 

‘Looks like we have a lot of catching up to do, Kenobi’ Han murmured as he flicked at the controls, trying to remember where everything was. 

‘Have you seen him?’ The question was on Han’s tongue from the moment we’d crossed paths. I shook my head. We sat in silence, both feeling the same pain. 

‘I’m sorry’ I plucked up the courage to finally say the words I knew needed to be said. Han’s hand found mine and he gave it the smallest squeeze. 

‘It was never your fault’ He muttered, before returning to the controls and setting up the engines. I allowed my gaze to fall across the control panel. 

‘It’s been a long time since I sat here- I don’t know what I’m doing’ I confessed. 

‘You never did before’ Han countered. Fair point. Within seconds, Han had got the Falcon up and running and we were entering light speed. Sooner or later, I knew I had to accept that I was going to come face to face with the one thing I’d been hiding from.


	3. Bittersweet memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley allows herself to delve into the gut wrenching memories of her past.

'So, where exactly are we going?' I asked Han as I stared out into the galaxy in front of us. It was far too surreal to be sitting here, co-piloting the Falcon with Han. Someone I hadn't seen for years, someone who had quickly become a family figure to me. None of this felt real. This morning I'd been scavenging in the desert of Jakku, living under a false name and not have to worry about the Resistance OR The First Order. The thought of the The First Order made me involuntarily shiver. 

'I know someone who can help us get to the Resistance base. I'm taking us to Takodana' Han replied, not taking his eyes off the controls. Something pricked in my mind, why wasn't Han with Leia at the Resistance base? I took a subtle deep breath and asked the question. 

'Why aren't you with Leia?' Silence. I could feel the uneasiness roll off Han at my words. Had I crossed a line? Before I could backtrack asking the question, Han opened his mouth. 

'Everything changed after- he turned to the darkside' Han's voice was quiet and I could feel the pain ripple through me. I turned my head away and focused on the buttons on the panel next to me. I had nothing to say back to him, nothing I could say would ever make him feel better about what happened to his son, after what happened that night. 

'You can't hide from it forever. I know you want to, but you can't. Ashley, people need to hear your side of the story' Han's words cut through me because I knew he was right. Up to now, everyone in all the galaxy thought I'd just let the dark side claim Kylo Ren without fighting for him. I pressed my lips together, resisting the urge to want to throw myself on the floor and not stop crying. Every time I thought of him, of our memories, of THAT night, my whole body ached with sorrow and torment. The faint voices of Rey, Finn and Poe wafted behind me as they attempted to chat to Chewbacca. I finally returned my gaze to Han, who gave me a reassuring nod. I slipped out the co-pilot chair and headed over to the group. 

'Hey, Chewie. I think Han needs his best co-pilot back' I smiled, patting him on the arm. He gave me an affectionate hair ruffle before retreating back to the cockpit of the Falcon. 

'You wanted to know why I hid on Jakku, right?' My voice sounded strong, but I certainly did feel it. Talking about the past was something I had not done. The nightmares were enough. But, to actually say the words, to repeat what happened on that night- it was something I never thought I would do. If I voiced the pain, it meant it was all real. That the nightmares of what happened were real and I had lost everything. That I could no longer bury my head in the sand. Not one of them spoke, they all stared at me with intent. I interlocked my hands, I could feel myself starting to tremble. Here goes nothing, right? 

'I guess I'll start from the beginning, right?' I took a breath and sat down, away from them. 

'Obi Wan was my grandfather, you all know that. My parents died when I was young and straight away I was taken in by the new Jedi Council. Master Luke Skywalker took me under his wing seeing as he knew exactly who I was. Then before I knew it, I was training to be Jedi. I was a good student, not great, but just good. I didn't make 'friends' not really. I guess being the grandaughter of one Jedi Master and being looked after by another Jedi Master- who by the way were both linked to Darth Vader- didn't make you popular. Despite what you might think' I rolled my eyes, before continuing. 

'There was one student who also didn't exactly mingle with any of the other students. Luke's nephew-' I couldn't. The name wouldn't form itself in my mouth. Come on Ashley. It's just a name. But, it's not though, is it? Wow, I was actually arguing with my own mind. Good job no-one on this ship can read my mind. I took a breath and finally opened my mouth. 

'Luke's nephew, was Ben Solo' Years, it had been years since that name had fell from my lips. I could hear HIS laughter in my ears, the conversations, the jokes, the soft whispers. 

'He preferred to be on his own, that was until Luke paired us up to train together. Two socially awkward students to train together, what could possibly go wrong?' I laughed bitterly to myself. 

'We trained together, surprisingly we got along well. You know, considering my grandfather, cut his grandfathers limbs off and left him to burn-' I stopped mid sentence to see Finn's eyes widened as Poe tried to stile an awkward laugh. Rey had her head leaning on her hands, engrossed in my sob story. 

'I guess us being the same age and understanding that we both came from 'Jedi legacies' helped us bond. Long story short, we became best friends. Trained together, ate together, caused trouble together- soon enough Ben advanced WAY quicker than I did. Which he loved making sure I knew that- cocky son of a- anyway, Luke and the other new Jedi council thought it would be a good idea to make me, Ben's apprentice. Which made it incredibly awkward and difficult seeing at this point we were- uh-' I felt heat rush to my cheeks which was annoying, because straight away Poe's expression changed. 

'Lovers, right?' He stated, irritated. 

'In a relationship-' I replied, ignoring his remark. 

'Ben thought it was even more of a challenge now to hide our relationship, our highly forbidden relationship' I shook my head, my mind wandering to the times we were almost caught kissing, hugging, holding hands and sharing stolen moments. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together. 

'Everything changed that night. The night that the dark side injected itself into Ben's brain and he was no longer the boy that I had fallen in love with' The last few words were barely audible as I spoke. I glanced at Finn, my heart searing with pain. 

'You want to my version of what happened that night? You can hear it' 

|Flashback| 

I couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried, something was niggling at the back of my mind. Something was stopping me from sleeping. I turned over in my bed, facing the other side of my hut. Would it be risky sneaking off to see Ben? I'm sure he wouldn't be asleep now... would he? Ashley, it's late. Stop. He's not just your handsome, dorky, Jedi-in-training boyfriend, he's also your Master and your his Padawan. 

'It's not the Jedi way' I mimicked, batting those boring thoughts away. I peeled back the covers and quickly threw my robes on, before hiking my lightsaber up from it's hanging post. 

'The darkness has got him' I froze in my footsteps. I glanced around, trying to find where on earth that voice had come from. It was familiar. 

'Grandfather?' I whispered the word out. A strong, overwhelming force consumed my body. My hand clenched around my saber as I ran out of my hut. Bloodcurdling screams filled the air, smoke thick engulfing the air. My eyes adjusted to the carnage around me. Students fleeing for their lives, tripping over bodies on the floor. My throat was tight, my body started to shake as my eyes fell onto the Jedi temple. It was in a burning mass of flames, ash falling through the air. That niggling in my mind was now screeching at me, it was screaming at me to run. But, I couldn't. I walked towards the crumbling building, dodging the running students. I reached the temple, feeling the heat of the flames against my robes. I couldn't leave, because that niggling, screeching in my mind knew exactly who had caused all this destruction. It was the person standing feet from me, lightsaber ignited. My breath was caught in my throat, my heart was shattering into a million pieces. The soft brown eyes I used to look into every day, were replaced with cold, dark ones. 

'Ben-' It had to be some kind of nightmare. 

'Why?' My voice breaking, my hand feeling numb around the now warm lightsaber hilt. 

'They think I'm a monster. They all thought it' His voice was full of hatred. I shook my head. 

'My Uncle, my own flesh and blood tried to murder me with his own lightsaber. His own nephew' Ben growled, his hand tightening around his sober. 

'They ALL deserve it. They all thought I was going to join the dark side, so why not prove them right?' He shrugged, coldly. My stomach churned, I was going to vomit. Tell me this wasn't happening. Tell me this wasn't real. Ben raised his lightsaber to point at all the demolition around us. 

'How's all that for joining the darkside?' He sneered. A voice. A withered, evil voice was reverberating around Ben. 

'They don't want you, they all thought you were evil from the beginning. Grandchild of Vader, destined to be a monster' Ben flinched at the voice, his lightsaber raised as he prepared to fight anyone who came close. 

'What about me? I never thought you were a monster, Ben. I love you, I'm in love with you!' The words left my dry mouth, they sounded desperate. He twitched at my words. 

'I can't let you murder anyone else' The 'Kenobi do-right' gene was alive and well in me. 

'Can't or won't?' Ben challenged. 

'Don't make me fight you' I warned, sadness tinging my words. Ben raised his saber in a fighting stance. I ignited my saber and without even thinking I lunged for him. We clashed lightsabers, ducking each others strikes. Until, Ben caught me and I landed on the floor extremely hard. My saber rolled out of my hand and out of view. Ben peered over my, lightsaber at my neck. Everything slowed down, I could hear my own breathing, feel the blood pumping itself around my body. 

'I'll come back for you' It wasn't a promise he was making, it was a statement. A fact. Without a second glance back, he was gone into the night. I lay there as silence surrounded me. No more screaming, no more running footsteps, no more panicked Jedi. They were all dead. I was the only one he'd kept alive. I picked myself up off the floor, averting my eyes from all the bodies of the people I'd spent every waking day with. My head whipped around and my gaze fell across my saber, laying there in the grass. I gingerly lifted it up, squeezing it before throwing it as far into the distance. This was it. This was a vow I was making to myself. No more Jedi business. No more lightsaber. No more training. No more using the force. No more Ashely Kenobi. I ran, I ran as fast as I could. I ran to escape all of it.


	4. A shift in the force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley encounters Maz who informs her of her destiny... also, a shift in the force has been noticed.

Silence surrounded us as no-one spoke. Finn was fidgeting with the cuffs on his jacket, Rey was just staring at me and Poe- well I could practically feel the conflicted emotions rolling off him. The idea of myself and- and Ben being an item was something he was struggling with. Well, sorry Mr Dameron but myself and Ben were romantically linked long before he joined the dark side. A fresh wave of pain rolled over me and I pushed myself up from the wall. Poe removed himself from the situation and head over to Han and Chewbacca. 

'All those nightmares you had, they were all because of what happened, aren't they?' Rey mumbled before launching herself at me. She wrapped her arms around me, engulfing me in a hug and held on. I stood there stiff, before I exhaled and gingerly hugged Rey back. Moments passed and she stepped back, her expression soft. 

I don't want the pity or anything like that. I don't deserve any of that' I warned Rey. 

'Thank you for sharing, Ashley' Finn finally spoke, giving me a comforting smile. Maybe this ex-stormtrooper wasn't that bad after all. Before anything else could be said, Han yelled at us that we were arriving at Takodana. I took a deep breath and headed towards the cockpit. It was the first time I was heading to another planet since fleeing to Jakku. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Rey, Finn and Poe exited the Falcon along with Han and Chewbacca. I stood in the cockpit, my hands on the back of the pilot seat. I pressed my lips together, allowing just for a split second, the memories of myself and Ben flying the Falcon. A stupid, very much illegal adventure we had decided to have one night whilst Luke was training other Jedi's. His laugh filled my ears as I attempted to steer the ship through light speed, the sweat sticking to the back of my neck, my concentration fraying. I shook my head and released my grip off the chair. I left the ship and entered the fresh air of Takodana. Wow. There was a lot of green, like a lot of green. I wandered away from the group, drinking the crisp air and the beauty of the scenery in front of me. 

'A lot different to what you're used to seeing, I take it?' Han appeared next to me, his eyes locked in front of him. I answered with a nod.

'Here, take this-' I looked down to see Han handing me a blaster. I glanced back at him, my eyebrows partially raised. 

'I think I can handle myself' 

'I know you can, that's why I'm giving it to you' Han retorted, pressing the blaster into my hand. I wrapped my hand around the blaster. 

'You know how to use that?' Han asked, slightly wary as he watched me. 

'No, but I'll learn' I shot him a grin, causing him to roll his eyes. Han gave me a nudge and we walked back over to Finn, Rey and Poe. Han led us through a forest before we reached, what I can only describe as some kind of temple. Finn and Poe were talking in hushed whispers, whilst Rey was bombarding Han with a million questions about the galaxy, smuggling and anything else she could think of. We reached the doors of the magnificent building, but before we entered, Han spun around and looked me straight in the eyes. 

'Everyone in here is going to know who you are. People are going to stare, they are going to talk, whisper-' Han's voice was low and I swallowed hard as his words sunk in. Of course, why didn't I think about the fact people were going to stare. After all, I'm the one person- Kylo Ren kept alive. I took a deep breath, my hands feeling slick with sweat. 

'Just stick close to me and Chewie. We will find Maz and get out of here' He assured me, before giving me a reassuring nod. He turned around and opened the door. I followed behind, as Rey, Finn and Poe were close behind me. Music was playing at top volume, dancers were dancing on a stage, conversations were loud, full of laughter. 

'Han Solo' A voice yelled across the entirety of the room. Suddenly, silence was among us. I felt my stomach drop as I realised no-one was staring at Han. They were all staring at me. Rey gave my arm small squeeze, making me move after Han. I kept my head down and followed suit. 

'Maz-' 

'What are you doing here, Han?' Maz, a small but clearly mighty being was standing in front of us, her eyes narrowed as she glared down Han. 

'Well, I need to get back to the Resistance Base, but I need your help. I have someone who needs to meet with General Organa. I know you know where the new base is' Han's voice was low as he spoke to Maz. She straightened up but kept her eyes narrowed. 

'Who, exactly needs to see Leia?' She questioned, voice dry. Han stepped to the side, revealing me to Maz. Her eyes widened behind the huge goggles. 

'Ashley Kenobi' Her words were barely audible. 

'Hello there' I greeted her, awkwardly smiling. Suddenly, Maz was whisking me away from everyone else. We pushed past other people, skidding into a small booth away from listening ears. She pushed me down into the booth, scooting next to me. 

'You're alive. I knew you were alive. There was rumours you died that night. Rumours that Kylo Ren had murdered you- but I knew you were alive' Maz's words were rushing out of her mouth as her eyes took in my face, my whole existing being. 

'He left you alive' It wasn't a question, it was a statement. It was a fact. I couldn't answer her. 

'Have you saw him?' I shook my head. Her hands clasped around my mine. 

'You need to see something-' She yanked me up again from the booth, brushing us past Han, Chewie, Finn, Rey and Poe. We reached some cemented stairs, leading down to a cellar. Something deep inside of me was urging me to go down the stairs. An overwhelming sense of emergency. Maz nudged me down the steps. I wobbled down the steps, walking down a damp hallway before being summoned to a room. I entered the room, feeling a sudden rush leaving my lungs. 

'It's time, Ashley' A voice echoed around the room. A voice I was extremely familiar with. A box lay on the floor, latch unlocked. I shakily bent down, reaching my clammy hand out and flipping the lid of the box open. My eyes widened and a gasp left my body. It was a lightsaber hilt. But, it wasn't just anyone's. It was Luke Skywalker's. Instinctively, I extended my hand out and seized it around the hilt. The box lid slammed shut and I was thrown backwards into the wall. Everything went dark and I could feel myself spinning. Screams and shouts vibrated around me. I ran towards a light, my hand still wrapped tightly around Luke's lightsaber. I tripped over my own feet, landing with a thud into... mud. I could smell burning, ash surrounding me. I wrenched my face up to see Luke, hand placed on R2D2's head as absolute destruction from that night was all around us. Suddenly, I was covered in a downpour of rain, armour clad soldiers leering over me with weapons. My finger glided over the ignition switch on the lightsaber, but I wasn't quick enough. A harsh buzzing filled my ears and then red filled my vision. The soldier in front of me had the blade of a lightsaber lunged through his torso, before being jerked and thrown to the side. I scrambled through the sludge, heaving myself up. My whole body felt limp, my hand was struggling to keep it's grasp on the the lightsaber. I couldn't breathe. No. No. I refused to believe what- who I was seeing. Red lightsaber blinding my eyesight, but I could see the figure standing inches from me. Helmet covering his face, cloak shrouded around him. Darkness, fear, betrayal, hatred, rage. It was all emitting from him. My lips couldn't even form his name. He stalked towards me and without thinking I retreated backwards, my attention snatched away from him as I heard my own voice screaming. I turned around to see a younger former self of me. I was a child, a child being comforted by Luke. I could feel the pain, the heartbreak of being told my parents had died. Something was off. Something didn't feel right. Darkness covered my vision, snow was falling down around me. I spun around, finding myself in a forest. A hooded figure sprung from behind a tree, lightsaber ignited. I staggered backwards, my eyes unable to leave his mask. I fell backwards and landed on the cold, hard ground of the hallway I had walked down. My breathing was rapid, my whole body was trembling. I'd seen Ben. But, it wasn't Ben. It wasn't Ben I had seen that night. It was Kylo Ren. Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order. I dragged myself up, trying to catch my breath as I came across Maz standing there. 

'Maz, what was that?' My voice was shaky and I couldn't feel my legs. 

'You know that lightsaber was Luke's and Anakin's before him. And now, Ashley... it calls to you' Maz's voice was soft. 

'Why would a Skywalker lightsaber call out to me? I'm a Kenobi' I stammered out, staring at the lightsaber in my hands. 

'Only you know why' Maz responded. I shook my head, clipping the saber to my belt. 

'You know what you have to do, Ashley' Maz patted my hand. Booming and shooting came from above. I widened my eyes and stood up. 

'It's the First Order. Someone must have alerted them that you're here' Maz growled, shaking her head. We ran up the stairs, seeing people running for their lives. My eyes scanned the room for Han and the group. I couldn't see Chewbacca or Han. Maz tugged my hand through the bluster of people, reaching the entrance. Someone grabbed my arm and I almost smacked them down. 

'It's me' Poe yelled over the fighting going on. Maz ushered me to go with Poe, leaving her behind to fight with her people. I ran with Poe to the edge of the forest. Rey and Finn were hiding behind some bushes. 

'Are you okay?' Rey jumped out, grabbing me. 

'I'm fine. Where's Han and Chewie?' 

'Fighting. Han told us to go' Finn retorted. No, no no. A hard nudging hit my ankle, causing me to look down to find a small orange and white- droid? 

'Oh yeah, meet my droid BB8. He has the map to Luke Skywalker, we got split up and he ended up here' Poe informed me, as I bent down to introduce myself to the droid. 

'Hi, BB8. I'm Ashley' He nudged me again and beeped. 

'Unfortunately, he likes you' Poe rolled his eyes. 

'So, you're the little guy the First Order are after' I asked. BB8 beeped again. Everything went still around me. I stood up slowly from the droid, my heart beating out of my mouth. My blood pounding in my ears. He was here. I could feel him. He could feel me. Kylo Ren was here on Takodana. His helmet clad head filled my vision, his lightsaber igniting deafened my ears. I ripped myself from it all. 

'BB8, show me the map to Skywalker' I requested. 

'What?' Poe almost yelled. Yet again, I ignored him. 

'Show me, BB8' I asked him. BB8 had no problem projecting the map out for me to read. I scoured the map, imprinting into my mind. BB8 flicked it off and I stood up. 

'He wants the map- he wants me. Why go after you, when I've got the map- here' I tapped my temple as I faced Poe. Rey's face dropped as she clicked as to what I was saying. 

'No-' 

'No arguments, take the droid and get out of here' I demanded looking at them all. I froze in place again. He was close. 

'You need to go, now. He's coming' The last two words fell from my mouth. Poe's expression changed. He scooped BB8 up and forced Rey and Finn to follow. I gave Rey a reassuring nod, before turning away from them and closing my eyes. Seconds passed and they were gone. My fingers glided over Luke's lightsaber and I unclipped it. My breathed hitched and I could feel the pressure around me. He was behind me.


	5. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley finally comes face to face with Kylo Ren, the reunion she never expected.

The air was still around me, I was holding my breath. My hand wrapped around the hilt of the lightsaber, I gripped it as best as I could, trying to steady my stance. Never in a million light years did I think I'd be standing here, bracing myself to face- him. My heart was beating through my chest, the suspense was putting me more on edge and I couldn't handle it. The time was now or never. I pressed my lips together and took a silent deep breath, before finally opening my mouth and allowing myself to speak. 

'So, who talks first? You or me?' My voice sounded much stronger than I had expected. My hand was clammy around the lightsaber hilt, but it was the only physical thing I could grab. Footsteps crunched on the twigs behind me, heavy footfall as I could feel him circling me. Silence. Before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. Feet away. My eyes refused to look at his face. I focused intently on his dark, jet black robe. His lightsaber in his leather clad hand, not ignited. 

'You weren't the silent type' The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. I stiffened even more at my own words. Still silence. 

'Well, if we're done here-' I cleared my throat, my feet ready to turn round. The crackling sound of his lightsaber igniting, caused me to falter in my step. 

'We're not done yet' That was NOT his voice. It was robotic. I turned back around and was not greeted by his face, but by a mask. Instant realisation hit me as his whole demeanour felt familiar. Familiar in the story of Darth Vader, the story Master Luke used to tell us of his father. Kylo Ren really had followed in is grandfather's footsteps. Sadness washed over me, this wasn't the Jedi in training, this wasn't the person I'd fell- this wasn't Ben. It was Kylo Ren. I cut my thinking off. 

'You're hard to find' He mused, the animatronic voice still catching me off guard. 

'Isn't that the point of going into hiding?' I quipped back, finally holding contact with his masked stare. 

'Still so witty' He slid back, taking a step forward. I wanted to run. I wanted to go back to Jakku and hide in the sand. 

'I told you I'd come back for you' The words sliced straight through the middle of me. I was sweating, I felt nauseous. 

'Why do you want the map to Luke?' I swiped past his statement, distracting him with the conversation of Luke. His stance changed, his hand twitched around the hilt of his saber. 

'What do YOU know about the map?' His voice crackled, taking a further step towards me. 

'I know the droid had it-' 

'You've seen it' My sentence was cut off as he tilted his head, the hood of his robe perfectly placed over his mask. Should I ignite the lightsaber now? It's been a while since I've held one of these damn things. He knew I'd seen the map. It had worked. The stupid, reckless plan had worked. He circled me again, standing behind me. Heat flashed down the side of my head, the fizzling sound of his lightsaber deafened my ears. 

'Of course you would have seen the map' Was there a hint of... humour in his voice? No, of course not. He wasn't capable of humour now, not from what Finn had told me. The atmosphere instantly changed as a Storm Trooper entered the forest, blaster in hand. 

'Sir, Resistance Fighters. We need more troops!' They yelled, clutching their weapons. I could strike now, his back was towards me as he faced off towards his troopers. My finger glided over the button on the saber, but suddenly I was frozen in place and the lightsaber fell from my hand onto the mossy ground. Kylo's hand was outstretched towards me, using the Force to stop me from using the saber. 

'Pull the division out. The droid is no longer necessary, I have everything I need' Kylo demanded, swiftly turning around to face me. I was still frozen, until he waved his hand and then all I could see was darkness. 

\--

'You need to loosen you grip- no, like this' Ben stood behind me, hand over my hand as I relaxed my fingers against the hilt of my saber. I sighed, shaking my head as I attempted to hold the lightsaber the right way.

'You're not focusing' Ben stepped away to face me properly. 

'Yes I am' I shot back, wielding the saber towards him. Ben's eyebrows knitted into a frown, clipping his saber back onto his belt. 

'Don't look at me like that' I warned him, not lowering the saber. 

'You need to focus, clear your mind and stop being stubborn' He retorted, flicking his wrist and whipping the saber from my hand. 

'Give it to me' I shot back, outstretching my hand. 

'Not until you stop holding back and focus on the training. You aren't normally like this' 

'Because the last time we trained, I wasn't your apprentice and it wasn't a professional relationship' I raised my eyebrows, beckoning my saber back into my hand. His expression changed, tilting his head with the hint of a smirk. 

'Is that what this is about? You don't like being my apprentice?' He approached me, ego out in full range. 

'Don't. Don't make it seem like I'm being childish. We are both the same age, both at the same level in our Jedi training and yet I'm the apprentice?!' I scoffed, grimacing. Ben started chuckling, using the Force with ease to bring me to him. He switched my lightsaber off and clipped into my belt without taking his eyes off mine. 

'Jealously isn't the way of a Jedi' He murmured. I rolled my eyes, pressing my hands against his tunic. 

'I'm not jealous, I just can't see why we can't be equal? Why do you NEED an apprentice? I'm capable of being a good Jedi, I'm a Kenobi' I reminded him, tilting my head back to narrow my eyes. He shook his head, still chuckling. 

'You still need a teacher, same age or not, same level of intelligence or not. I'm your master and you, my feisty ball of stubbornness, are my apprentice' Ben reminded me, using his hand to tilt my chin up to look at him. 

\--

I had no idea what had happened. One minute I'm ready to face Kylo and then there was just darkness. My mind felt groggy and my body felt rigid. I forced my eyes to open, trying my hardest to encourage my brain to allow my body to come to terms with where I was. Seconds passed and I was finally able to open my eyes, my body jumping with the feeling of cold steel around my wrists and ankles. I hurled my head up to scour where I was, but my eyes fell across the figure opposite me. Kylo was standing inches away from me, mask still covering his face, lightsaber clipped to his belt. But only HIS lightsaber. The lightsaber- Luke and Anakin's lightsaber that Maz had given me was nowhere to be seen. 

'Where am I?' I uttered out, wriggling my wrists in the glacial steel cuffs. 

'You're my guest, of course' He answered back, waving his hand at the metal slab I was locked into. I raised my eyebrows, looking down at my predicament and then back at Kylo. 

'And this is how you treat your guests?' 

'Only the ones I want alive' His animatronic voice echoed around the room. I looked away and back down at the cuffs around my wrists. They were definitely going to leave marks. 

'You don't trust me' It wasn't a question, it was a statement. 

'What do you expect? A man in a mask, hunting me down' I shot back, releasing my gaze from my trapped limbs. Silence passed between us, the tension budding in the air. He lifted his hands to his helmet, the hissing sound of the helmet unclicking and he removed it from his head. My breath caught in my throat. The helmet fell to the floor with a thud, my eyes widened slightly as I stared at his face. It was the same face I had known all those years ago. The same brown eyes, the same ridiculously sleek hair, the lips that would twist into a cocky smirk. We held eye contact for longer than we should, before Kylo motioned towards me. 

'Tell me about the map' The sound of his voice sent shock waves through me, it was a voice I hadn't heard in so long. By the speed of the Millennium Falcon, I could feel myself wanting to rip the cuffs off and run to him. I pressed my lips together, staring at him, not breathing a word. 

'You convinced the droid to show it to you, now I want you to show it me' Kylo murmured, leaning his face towards mine. I flickered my gaze away from him, trying to keep my composure. 

'Why do you want the map to Luke?' I asked the same question I'd asked in the forest. 

'Tell me about the map' Kylo's voice strengthen, I tilted my head back to him, still refusing to speak. He lowered himself inches from my face, his dark eyes searching mine. 

'You know I can take whatever I want' He held my gaze, before raising his hand inches from my temple. I instantly felt the pull towards all my thoughts. I tried my best to fight it, to fight the force of Kylo dipping into my mind. I could feel him searching through my memories, OUR memories. I closed my eyes, squeezing as hard as I could. My hands balled into tight fists, the metal cutting into my skin. 

'You're so lonely. You've been hiding all this time... from me' His voice was barely audible, as he continued looking for the map. 

'At night, the nightmares torture you- our past-' I yanked my head away from his presence, my eyes starting to fill with hot tears. 

'But, you've always felt the pull-' 

'Get out of my head!' It was too much, the pressure in my head, the crippling sadness that was strangling me. Kylo backed off, hand still outstretched as he didn't back down from searching for the map. The pressure was getting more and more- I closed my eyes and tried to fight back. I resisted Kylo's attempts, finding myself feeling his thoughts. Flashes of Darth Vader, the feeling of pain, resentment, failure. I pulled back, breathing heavy. 

'You're afraid- you're afraid that you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader!' I gasped out, suddenly feeling Kylo cut off all pressure in my head. I slumped back against the slab of metal, my breathing returning back to normal. Kylo's expression had changed, drastically. His eyes were darker than before, his lips curled as he yanked his helmet off the floor and stormed out of the cell. I was closed my eyes again, trying to slow down the screaming thoughts inside of my head. 

'Feel the force within you' My eyes snapped open at the sound of a different voice reverberating around the shell of a room. Feel the force... I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. 

'Feel the force, Ashley' The voice again flowed around me. My eyes, once again opened and instantly I knew who it was. I knew the voice. It was the same voice I'd heard the night Ben had turned. I relaxed against the restrictions holding me back, allowing myself to feel the force. I concentrated on my heart beating, my shallow breathing and the sound of my blood pumping around my body. A clanging of doors opening revealed a Storm Trooper, clearly been sent to keep and eye on me. I hadn't used any type of Force control since I'd trained as Jedi, so this was going to be interesting. 

'You will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open' I uttered the words with less confidence than I wanted. The trooper turned it's head to look in my direction, before proceeding to walk over to me. 

'What did you just say?' His voice was controlled my mechanics inside his helmet, but I could definitely sense a hint of disgust. 

'You will remove these restraints, and leave this cell with the door open' I tried again, forcing myself to sound as if I had any clue what I was doing. I was rusty. The trooper raised the blaster mere inches from me, before answering. 

'I'll tighten those restraints Jedi scum' He spat, shaking his head. A flash of anger shot through me, my fists clenching at his words. I stared as intently as I could at the troopers helmet, my body relaxing as I focused my hardest. 

'You will remove these restraints, and leave this cell with the door open' Every part of me shuddered with confidence as I spoke the words with intensity. 

'I will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open' The restraints flipped open and I was released. I scoffed in disbelief. Still got it. I slid off the metal slab, rubbing my wrists as I faced the trooper. He walked over to the cell door, punching some buttons and the door flew open. 

'Give me your weapon' I ordered as I reached him. No hesitation, the trooper handed me his weapon and left the cell. I checked the blaster was loaded, before heading out of the cell and avoiding any other First Order personnel. I hid around a corner, blaster armed and ready. Despite telling Han I'd figure it out using a blaster, I had no idea what I was actually doing. Just as I was about to run into another room, I felt his presence. I stopped in my tracks, hearing his foot fall not too far away. Any second now, Kylo would know I was gone. As much as I wanted to run, I needed to find out why he wanted the map to Luke. I hesitated on the idea of going back to him, that was until I was deafened with ear shattering sound of crashing, slicing and incoherent yelling- yeah, time to go. I skidded down the hallway, dodging troopers and trying not to find myself in any other unfavourable predicament. There had to be a way out here, somewhere. 

'So, when I need to find a way out of here to safety, you don't want to help then?' I mumbled out into the air, hoping the familiar voice would give me some more guidance. But, no. Silence. I rolled my eyes and started searching through the room for some way out. That's when I noticed a vent, I kicked it open, sliding through and taking the blaster with me. I scrambled through, trying not to make too much noise, didn't want to attract anymore attention to myself. Eventually, I made it out of the vent and into an empty hallway. I let out a breath, re-adjusting the blaster in my hand before rounding the corner. 

'Woah!' The blaster instinctively shot up in front of me, ready to shoot until I realised I'd been greeted by Finn, Han and Chewie. I relaxed the blaster as I stared at all three of them. 

'How did you know I was here?' 

'I saw Ren take you' Finn hissed, his face a look of distaste. My eyes locked with Han. 

'Are you okay?' Han's voice was low, his eyes searching my face for something, anything. 

'I'm fine' I nodded, I couldn't say anything else. I didn't know what to say. 

'How did you get out?' Finn asked, watching Han who was checking the coast was clear. 

'Jedi mind tricks' I muttered dryly. Finn was about to say something but Han cut him off. 

'We need to go' He reminded us, looking around the corner. 

'Han, why does he want the map to Luke?' I asked, stopping his escaping idea. 

'I don't know, I really don't know' He answered honestly. 

'I need to know. I need to find out' My face fell, I could feel my heartbreak manifesting again. It was all rising to the top. Finn placed a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it ever so lightly. 

'I get that you need answers, but you truly don't know what he's capable of Ashley' Finn's voice was rich with something I couldn't quite work out, but it didn't feel good. 

'We have to go. NOW' Han demanded, the sound of Storm Troopers were getting louder and closer. I followed Han's lead, Chewie and Finn following behind. We wove in and out of the enemy, keeping to the shadows and keeping out of sight. Han stopped, turning around and facing myself and Finn. 

'You two go back out and get to the Falcon, me and Chewie will distract the other troopers to give you enough time to get the Falcon to the front' Han informed us, giving Finn a nod of approval. Chewie let out a cry and something shifted inside of me. 

'Han, don't. Don't go to him alone' I warned him. I warned him not to face his son alone. 

'Let me come with you-' Han shoved myself and Finn towards the exit ladder, backing off with Chewie. 

'I'll see you afterwards, go!' He yelled, before running down the length of the hallway, Chewie tailing behind him. I thrusted the blaster into Finn's hand and climbed up the ladder, racing as fast as I could. I yanked myself out into the fresh air of Starkiller Base, the snow whipping around us, chilling me to the bone. 

'Finn, we have to get to the reactor. Han is going to face Kylo alone and he shouldn't' I shouted at him over the sound of the wind. I bolted across the length of the base, running to another door and wrenching it open. Finn was hot behind me, watching me slide down another set of ladders, onto a platform. I came to a halt as my eyes adjusted to a figure walking along a beam- Kylo. Another figure wasn't far behind him. Han. 

'Ben!' The name crashed all around the entirely of the area. It hit me like a ton of bricks to hear someone else say the name. To hear it shouted out loud. Kylo stopped where he was, Han slowly edging towards his son. Finn was now next to me, his hands gripping the bar in front of us. Suddenly, troopers were surrounding them, blasters raised. Kylo turned around, helmet still securely on his head as Han continued walking towards him. 

'Han Solo, I've been waiting for this moment for along time' I felt sick, I was watching something unfold that I couldn't do anything to stop. 

'Take off that mask' Han commanded, his voice not faltering once. 

'You don't need it' He assured Kylo, as he took a few more steps towards him.

'What do you think you'll see if I do?' Kylo questioned, staying stood where he was. I was now gripping onto the bar, holding myself up. There was no way of getting down there. Chewie was watching on from the other side too, weapon aimed directly at Kylo. 

'The face of my son-' Silence fell between them both. Kylo unclasped his mask and let it drop to the ground, just as he had with me. Again, shockwaves electrified through my body as the sight of him. Han's face twitched, but he continued motionless as he son stood before him, maskless. 

'Your son is gone' Kylo seethed, not taking his glare off Han. 

'He was weak and foolish like his father. So, I destroyed him. Destroyed everything about him' I let out a breath, my hand subconsciously reaching out to grab Finn's arm to steady myself. 

'Not everything' Han shot back, his head turning to look at me directly. My stomach dropped as I made eye contact with Han, shaking my head, pleading silently that he didn't do this. 

'Snoke wanted you to destroy everything about yourself, but you couldn't. She's still here' Han reminded Kylo as he looked back at him, but Kylo wasn't looking at him. His lips were pressed into a hard line, but his eyes were glaring straight into my soul. 

'My son is alive' Han snapped, causing Kylo to tear his gaze away from me and back to his father. 

'The Supreme Leader is wise' Han shook his head at Kylo's words. 

'No! He's using you for your power! When he gets exactly what he wants, he will crush you. You know it's true. Ashley knows it's true' Han's voice softened lightly as he spoke the words. 

'It's too late' Kylo whispered out. 

'No it's not. Leave here with me, with us. Come back home. We miss you. Your mother misses you' Han's words ripped through me like a lightsaber. The thought of Leia waiting all these years for her son to return and he never did. 

'I'm being torn apart, I want to be free of this pain' Kylo confessed, his whole demeanour changing. My heart was hurting. He looked just like Ben again. A scared boy who just needed help, who just needed someone to tell him it was okay, to hold him. 

'I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it' He breathed out, watching his father. 

'Will you help me?' Kylo asked Han the question. I let go of Finn's arm, my whole body practically hanging over the bar. 

'Yes, anything' Han agreed, now inches away from his son who was asking for his help. I held my breath as Kylo unclipped his lightsaber, laying it on both of his palms and outstretching towards Han. Han gripped the lightsaber with one hand, as they shared a look. Something shifted around me, I could feel absolute anger and hated resonating through the whole base. My eyes widened as I realised Han was struggling to take the lightsaber from Kylo. Seconds passed with what felt like an eternity and before I could scream at Han to let go, the lightsaber ignited and projected straight through Han's chest. 

'NO!' Finn's cry filled my ear drums, just as Chewie howled out in pain. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel anything. Kylo pulled the saber back from out of Han's chest, letting his body fall from the platform, never to be seen again. I felt the air leave my lungs as Finn grabbed me, shaking me. My eyes fell onto Chewie, his weapon aimed at Kylo again. He let out another cry and shot at Kylo. 

'Ashley, come on!' Finn yanked me from the platform and back up the ladders. The snow was thick and the sky had fallen dark. Everything was spinning. I could hear Chewie's cry in my eardrums. I could see Han's body falling below us. Kylo's words ringing in my ear. It was all lies. He was happy being the Commander of the First Order. Anger and betrayal burst through me, hot tears splashing themselves down my cheeks. I stumbled through the snow, but I tripped and landed face down into an icy blanket. As I pulled myself up, I'd lost all sigh of Finn. I scrambled up out the snow and ran towards a forest, looking for any sign of fresh footprints. My fingers were frozen, my whole body was tingling and my stomach was pumping so hard I was sure I was going to through up. 

'TRAITOR!' I spun around hearing the word roar through the tree's. Kylo. He'd found Finn. I raced through the snow, trying to not trip again. Soon enough I heard the clashing sound of lightsabers and yelling. I reached an open point in the forest, instantly coming across Finn's unconscious body and Kylo standing mere feet away from him. Lightsaber ignited as his other hand was reaching out for something else- Anakin's lightsaber. Finn must have gone back when Kylo took me and retrieved the saber. Kylo was using the force to bring the saber to him, but it wouldn't budge. I relaxed my body and reached out my hand, my fingers frozen still but I was ready. Within seconds I heard a whizzing noise and my hand connected with the steel melt of the hilt. I let out a small gasp, before looking over to see Kylo in complete dismay. I curled my hand around the hilt, and ignited it. Woah, it had been along time since I'd held one of these, let alone wielded one. 

'That lightsaber, it belong to me' He hissed through gritted teeth. A small smirk creeped along my lips, as I fell into my fighting stance. 

'Come get it' I taunted. Kylo launched at me, I swung the saber, crashing it against his. We fought against each other, flashes of us training back at Luke's temple sprung into my mind. I shook them away and ducked under a fallen tree branch. I battled Kylo as best as I could, but it was hard. I hadn't used one of these damn things in so long. We fought past Finn and not long had reached a cliff edge. I suddenly realised how close I was to losing my footing and falling. I groaned as our lightsabers pushed against each other, the heat from them extremely close to both our faces. I caught Kylo's eyes, staring into them as we continued pushing. 

'You need me, you need me as your teacher again. I can show you the real ways of the force' Kylo pleaded over the duelling sabers. The force, right. I focused so hard on Kylo's face, listening to the inner voice. I mustered up all my energy and launched him backwards. 

'You lost that ability to teach me ANYTHING when you turned your back on me!' I cried, swinging the lightsaber and knocking him backwards. 

'You lost the right to show me anything when you killed all of those people!' I struck again, catching him on his shoulder, causing him to shriek out in pain. 

'Always with the emotion' He yelled back, raising his saber to stop me from striking again. Even now, even now when we were battling he was mocking me. I let out a yell as I dove at him, flapping the saber in all different directions. I lifted the saber of my heard, smashing it against Kylo's and using my foot to kick him onto the ground. He fell onto the snow covered floor, lightsaber still in hand as I circled him. 

'Not so bad for a Jedi who hasn't held a lightsaber in years' I shouted as he scrambled up and thrashed his saber at me. I grabbed his saber with my free hand, pushing into the ground as he gripped my wrist. I fought back, knocking his saber onto the floor and whipped my saber up into the air slicing it across his face. Kylo fell to the ground again, writing in pain from his face. I stood there, my body numb, the saber still securely in my hand as I stood over him. He lifted his head up to look at me, the lightsaber gash was across his face, bleeding profusely. Silence was around us as I turned the saber off and backed away from him. I couldn't stand here any longer. I turned around and ran. I ran as fast as I could, I ran back to where Finn was. Still lay there, covered in snow and bleeding. Kylo's slashed face, the expression of... surprise that was plastered on his face wouldn't leave my mind. 

'Finn, hey. Finn, it's Ashley' I shook him lightly, before hearing the familiar sound- the Falcon. Chewie had brought the Falcon to us. I hauled Finn up as easily as I could as Chewie ran over and propped him onto his shoulders. I trailed behind, my fingers gracing over the saber now clipped to my belt. What happened now?


End file.
